Just A Millennial, Yelling Into The Void

You know that cheeky Jennifer Lawrence meme that's been going around for months? The one of her standing on stage, obviously confused, asking - "What do I do? I what?...Wait. Sorry. What do I do?!". Yeah that one. That's what I feel like my entire 30's have felt like, and I know for a fact that I'm not alone in this feeling. I hear the cries of my fellow Feral Millennials 😂.

It started small with seemingly fun things like, "Oh, sure I can bring treats for Valentine's Day to the whole class!". Then things like, "Yeah for sure I can get my boob in this contraption for a mammogram". Followed by "Learn an entirely new job remotely (on Teams🤮), of course!". Slowly but surely these experiences started to build and build and eventually built a wall around me. Somewhere along the way I stopped feeling. I was just doing.

This reality hit me a few months back when prompted with the question, "So if you could have anything you wanted, what would it be?". I blanked. Like for a week. I realized that I'd forgotten how to dream. Everything I thought of seemed nonsensical. My dreams, like the fantasy ones of having an all white aesthetically pleasing kitchen for no good reason, or a walk-in sauna that mists essential oils on you as you exit, or a farm with Pygmy goats and Highland cows just seemed silly and out of touch. But why?

Somehow over the years, all the shit life threw at me had begun to leave me sort of jaded. Of course, I was overall happy but I was in "do" mode - do the dishes, do the laundry, coordinate all the things, fight the traitorous cancer-y thyroid, be a wife, be a mom, be a daughter, be a friend, be an employee. Shit. I'm tired just reading this. I somehow managed to twist it in my mind that dreaming of things I don't have means that I am not grateful for all I do have. That's some twisted shit. Just another self-limiting belief that many of us millennials wear like a damn badge of honor, sadly. Bruh. How'd we get here?

The good news is that once you start to take inventory of your thoughts, you start to really see the truths that the walls you've built up have been hiding all these years. So, here's to realizing its OKAY to dream and want more.🥂 Its ok to not have it all figured out. 🥂 Its ok to not be perfect. 🥂 And most importantly, its ok if others disagree. Oof, that last one was so hard to type as a people pleaser currently "in recovery", lol.

I'm excited to share my journey. I can GUARANTEE that I don't have it all figured out, but I'm excited to share my story. No gate-keeping here my friends. A few things helping me the most on this journey of self RE-discovery have been grounding (more on that to come🤞 ), sleep (L-Theanine for the win!), and slightly unhinged workout apparel. lol.

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